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All good things start with necking.
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Dr. Mark A. Palmer, IME 100
Kettering University, Flint, Michigan
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submitted: May 28, 2009 |
Referring to hot isostatic pressing.
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| Rating: 9 |
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"All these new powdered supplements are ridiculous. I'd be better off if I caught a jolly little leprechaun and made him skip around the Hobart mixer pre- and post-mixing. Then as a bonus I'd get a new car with his gold. I defy you to tell me which of those supplements can do that!"
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Dr. Carl Webster, Fish Nutrition
Kentucky State University, Frankfort, Kentucky
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submitted: May 28, 2009 |
This was the answer to a question about the increasing variety of commercial dietary supplements and their outrageous claims.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Look up there... in those hills. God lives in those hills."
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David Soures-Wooters, History & Aesthetics of Photography
RIT, Rochester, NY
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
talking about the beauty in an Ansel Adams photograph.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Please write legibly; if I wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a teenager.
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Dr. George Wade, Behavioral Neuroendocrinology
UMass Amherst, Amherst, Massachusetts
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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you all are lost souls. Get on the right wavelength
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mr.reimann, chemistry
Doctors Charter School, miami, fl
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
what he said after the class wouldn't pay attention while he was teaching about waves and spectrums
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| Rating: unrated |
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(In a thick German accent with a heavy dose of sarcasm): Up until now, you've typed in your code and pushed a little magic button and your program gets compiled. But this is computer science; there's no such thing as magic. So we're going to study exactly what happens when you push that little magic button. If you are scared and want to deregister for this module now, you may be excused.
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Prof Stefan Gruner, Compiler Construction
University of Pretoria, Pretoria, South Africa
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
The first thing a lecturer said in the first module of the new year. This has to be one of the most effective ways I've ever seen to bring a bunch of third-years down to size in under a minute
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| Rating: unrated |
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Teacher- "Most of you who got your exams back may notice that I have included several side notes"
Student- " What does RTFQ mean?"
Teacher- " Read The F*cking Question"
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Robert Marshall, Chemistry
Arizona State University, Tempe, AZ
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
All time favorite teacher ever.
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| Rating: 10 |
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...and the missionary postion--*pause*-- not like that.
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Jeff Hole, Readers and Book History
University of MN, Duluth, Duluth, MN
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
When talking about missionaries bringing language and written word to places like Africa, this little gem popped out.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"You'll have no problem in Chemistry, Chemistry is easy, now Physics... Physics bites the proverbial weenie."
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Rasheed, Chem 101
BRCC, Harrisonburg, Va
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
Best-Teacher-Ever-Mmkay
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| Rating: unrated |
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Dr. Baron: "Honestly, who here though the integral of that would be an arctangent function?" -one dude raises his hand- Dr. Barron: "Now that guy's full of shit."
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Dr. Baron, Math 242
La Tech, Ruston, LA
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
Dr. Barron set the class on fire with laughter after this one. The guy that raised his hand is a friend, and you didn't hear a peep outta him for an hour or two.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"And now we move on to 'Taxes, How We Got Them, and Lies, Damn Lies.'"
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Vaughn Elliott III, Principles of Microeconomics
Auburn University, Auburn, AL
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
Microeconomics professor teaching the United States Federal Income Tax Code. This was one of my favorite professors EVER.
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| Rating: 9 |
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Prof: How'd you fix it?
Tech guy: I turned it off and then back on.
Prof: Why didn't I think of that? I do that all the time at home with my wife.[class snickers] No, really, like she'll think the blender is broken and I'll just turn it off... [class laughs harder] Oh, forget it.
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Dr. Van Gooch, Cell Biology
U of MN, Morris, ,
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
The projector wasn't working before class and suddenly lit up in the middle of lecture.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Sometimes in order to have world peace and happiness, you have to have a great power pointing a gun at everyone saying "It'll be world peace and happiness or I'll shoot you" to get everyone dancing around like hippies.
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, Intro to International Relations
Richmond International University, London, UK
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
Professor is young and Australian.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Little old ladies in the woods are never just little old ladies in the woods! That is NOT someone's grandmother!"
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Dr. Benson, Chaucer
Sewanee: The University of the South, Sewanee, TN
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submitted: May 27, 2009 |
Talking about The Wife of Bath's Tale.
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| Rating: unrated |
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That's exactly why we should invade Canada and give Texas to Mexico!
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Dr. Wheeler, World Cultural Geography
Southwestern Oklahoma State University, Weatherford, Oklahoma
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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What's the difference between a pun and a fart? A pun is a shift of wit.
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Kevin Gildea, ENG1100Z - Essay Writing
University of Ottawa, Ottawa, ON
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
First day, proving he was awesome in every way.
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| Rating: 10 |
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Well, the buffoon who is responsible for canceling classes finally laid off the cough syrup long enough to figure out that we should cancel classes this afternoon.
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Steven Ortiz, History 429- America 1914-1945
Bowling Green State University, Bowling Green, Ohio
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
This is when we had morning classes canceled due to ice and almost 3 feet of snow... someone thought it would all melt so classes could commence after 1pm.
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| Rating: unrated |
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You might look at this and say "Oh its too big, what am I going to do with it?" I say that too sometimes, but thats for other reasons.
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Kirk Peterson, Chemistry 105
Washington State University, Pullman, WA
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
Referring to a lewis diagram that was on our exam. I dont know what his reasons were, he didnt elaborate.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Pornography - what's the etymology? Is there anyone online who can..."
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Craig Dworkin, ENGL 3600
University of Utah, Salt Lake City, UT
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
And then he realized he was asking us to look up porn online.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Mrs Brown: When I was young my sister read in cosmotallgen to rub motor oil on your body for a good tan.
Student: I think you mean cosmopolitan
Mrs. Brown: Oh yes, sorry I was confused with the ice cream
Student: That would be neopolitan
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Mrs.Brown, Anatomy
New Hanover, Wilmington, North Carolina
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
Some teachers should retire when their memory starts to go...
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| Rating: unrated |
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The next thing I am about to tell you about is really complicated and probably not true. Contrary, the simpler concepts I teach you are probably more true. Let's go...
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, Astronomy 123
University of Oregon, Eugene, Oregon
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
Talking about a new astronomy concept.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"The war of 1812 was about money, and power, but most importantly.... it was about love... no it wasn't i made that up to see your reactions."
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Prof. Kincholoe, Early American History
Eastern Ct State University, ,
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submitted: May 26, 2009 |
Haha funniest thing i have ever heard.
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| Rating: 8 |
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"I don't like cake. But I like brownies. Ever had pot brownies? That's some heavvvvy shit if you eat too much. I probably shouldn't have said that out loud."
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Prof. Davis, History of Rock n Roll
Kingwood CC, Kingwood, Texas
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submitted: May 25, 2009 |
I told him to bring cake.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Well, the thing you have to understand is that the idiots at the Ivy League colleges don't like to teach anything that isn't at least forty or fifty years old. That way, in theory, they don't have to worry about what they're teaching being proved wrong any time soon."
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Prof. Peter Skiff, Physical Science After Newton
Bard College, Annandale-On-Hudson, New York
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submitted: May 25, 2009 |
Peter Skiff is an amazing man. This is only one of a treasure trove of quotes he lays out every day, but remembering them all is hard.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Fixing grammar is easy. All you have to do is find the thing that's fucked and unfuck it.
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Dr. Schooling, Rhetoric 102
, ,
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submitted: May 25, 2009 |
| Rating: 10 |
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