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"Last semester the average on the final exam was 42.9%. This time I want a higher average then that so instead of hoping that you've learned more I've made the test true or false. You'll score better if you rely on a coin rather then your own intellect."
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Dr. Willet, History 106, America since reconstruction
Texas A&M Univeristy at Galveston, Galveston, TX
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Comments? Add
or View (1)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
This was in a two part history class and we had all had him the previous semester. I still haven't figured out why we all took a class from him again...
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| Rating: unrated |
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Prof: We solve this limit using factorization.
Student: Couldn't we use L'Hopital's rule?
Prof: That would be like using a
sledgehammer to kill a fly.
Student: Yeah, but it would still be dead.
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Dr. Argerami, Math 111
University of Regina, Regina, SK
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Comments? Add
or View (6)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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All electronics run on magic smoke. When something electronic is destroyed, it stops working, not because of anything as complicated as volts and amps, but simply because the smoke escaped! You can tell when the smoke has escaped by the black stain on the part and that special smell. That's why we say "The smoke escaped!" when explaining why something electronic won't work.
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Uni of the Orange Free State, Bloemfontein, South Africa,
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Comments? Add
or View (4)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
A common explanation of the TA's to first year CS students when asked about blown components.
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| Rating: 10 |
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"And then your packet scooty-poots it's way across the internet ... "
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Prof Coe, Intro to Computers
Devry, Alpharetta, GA
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Comments? Add
or View (3)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
Scooty-poots was the highly technical term used by this prof to explain how pretty much anything electronic moved from point A to point B.
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| Rating: unrated |
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I sound like I know it all because I think I know it all. But I'm always ready for a good argument.
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Dr. Wilcox, Anth 2350 (Cultural Diversity in the United States)
U of North Texas, Denton, TX
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
The class wasn't answering when he wanted a discussion
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| Rating: unrated |
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I sold cars for 5 years. That was the only real job I've had. The rest of the time I've been doing academic stuff, teaching...
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Dr. Wilcox, Anth 2350 (Cultural Diversity in the United States)
U of North Texas, Denton, TX
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Comments? Add
or View (2)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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If you fill up more than one exam book, you're dead.
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Dr. Kelly, Econ 202
Universtiy of Regina, Regina, SK
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Comments? Add
or View (2)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
After handing out the final, he muttered as he left the room.
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| Rating: unrated |
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We have not made pecan pies with femurs.
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T. Austin, ANTH 2700
UNT, Denton, TX
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Comments? Add
or View (3)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
Physical Anthro class- we had to remember which bones were which. His pneumonic device for the femur- it looks like a hammer. This ended up devolving into a discussion as to whether or not you could crack nuts with femurs, and ended with this line.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"You all know what a battering ram is right? Basiaclly you take a huge hunk of wood and ram it through a wall, and its great fun!.. Unless its your wall."
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Mr. Hazelgrove, Comp II
MCC, Crystal Lake, IL
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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"I feel it is my duty as an educator not to answer that question."
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Mr. Kingston,
Crystal Lake Central High School, ,
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Comments? Add
or View (2)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
He said this after just about every question anyone ever asked him.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Yes, I, much like you, did go to college once... and yes, it was in this century - oh, wait... damn."
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Prof McMahon, Ancient Near Eastern History
UNH, Durham, NH
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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"And if any of you are late on the day we have presentations, I will roll you up in carpets and stomp you to death just like the Abbasid Caliph."
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Prof Wolper, Sufism
UNH, Durham, NH
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Comments? Add
or View (1)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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"Yeah...what's up with all of these new 'designer drugs' and sh*t? I mean, I know they have all those rave-type parties out in the desert where everyone goes and gets f*cked up. I must be lookin' in all the wrong places, 'cuz I STILL haven't been able to find ONE of those damned parties!"
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Andrew Bark, Social Problems
Fullerton College, Fullerton, CA
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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Student asks: "Is there any extra credit in this class?"
Teacher: "If you bring in marijuana, sure. Why...you got some on your right now?"
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Andrew Bark, Social Problems
Fullerton College, Fullerton, CA
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Comments? Add
or View (5)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
This teacher was actually put on 'administrative leave' soon after...because they found marijuana in his office. It was a big scandal. Quite hilarious...considering he constantly talked about drugs in class.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Sorry I'm late, I found this watch on the ground and I don't know how to set it."
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Dr. Hollub, Differential Equations
Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, Virginia
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
The professor was always finding something or another to bring home....my friend even saw him pick up a female's shoe that had been lost. He shook his head and put it back where he found it.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Today is the first day of oral reports. Blood will be shed."
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Dr. Pusey, Unit Operations Lab
Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, Virginia
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
Our Unit Operations professor who revelled in bringing us down during our oral reports. And blood was definitely shed that day.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Prof asks a question of the class and the class just stares at him stupidly. Moments later a cell phone rings, and the professor says "Maybe he knows the answer."
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Dr. Hess, Biochemistry
Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, Virginia
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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Professor: You need to pass this cd from person to person in the class. Call the next person when you are done. I know that some of your phone lines are down (the verizon strike), if so, bring the cd to me and I will get in contact with the next person.
Student: No need to call, you can just stand outside and yell, we will hear you.
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Dr. Liu, Senior Design
Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, Virginia
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
Our professor spoke quite loudly, nearing yelling level normally. He agreed with the student's assesment.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"And then we smurf this over to the other side of the equation..."
"Now let's smurf on over to the lab..."
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Mr. Ridgeway, Chem I
Redlands HS, Redlands, CA
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Comments? Add
or View (2)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
"Smurf" apparently meant "move" or "shift" in his lexicon.
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| Rating: 10 |
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Student: "Are you wearing a mic?"
Prof: "No, I have a cold."
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Osmanagic, MATH 100 - Introduction to Calculus I
University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
There was always a podium mic left on from the previous lecture which he didn't know how to work nor did he realize it was on.
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| Rating: unrated |
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When I was in high school when we were loud teachers would hit us with a stick. Maybe I should get a stick.
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Osmanagic, MATH 100 - Introduction to Calculus I
University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta
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Comments? Add
or View (1)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
Upon the class being somewhat loud that day.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"My students, they say my tests are like a hurricane. You know when they are coming, but there is nothing you can do about it."
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Dr. Amin, Electrical Communications
Villanova, Villanova, PA
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Comments? Add
or View (2)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
| Rating: unrated |
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"We highly encourage you not to wear contact lenses during Chem Labs. This doesn't mean we're going to go around probing things in your eyes to see if you wear contacts or not, but let me put it this way: Things in here will make your soft contacts hard, your hard contacts soft, or graft your contacts permanently to your eyes."
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Lab Tech, Safety for CHEM 221 Labs
PCC, Portland, OR
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
Nobody thought about wearing contacts the next lab.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"Hello, we're in the middle of a lecture."
"Wrong number."
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G.W. Gibbons, General Relativity
University of Cambridge, Cambridge, UK
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Comments? Add
or View (2)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
For some reason, the lecture rooms are equipped with telephones.
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| Rating: unrated |
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There is no reason whatso ever that your speech should ever have you standing on a table.
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Pete Baker, Basic principles of speech
SUNY Potsdam, Potsdam, NY
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Comments? Add
or View (0)
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submitted: February 1, 2003 |
I took this as a challenge and gave a speech that had me standing on a table. I got an A.
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| Rating: unrated |
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