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The energy in a system is dependent on the amount of shit that you have, and how hot the shit is at that time!
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Armsrong, physics 102
William and Mary, Williamsburg, VA
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submitted: February 1, 2009 |
He was explaining PV=nRT
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| Rating: unrated |
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Lecturer: How do we calculate this limit then?
Student: We use the squeeze theorem
Lecturer: That's right, we use the squeeze theorem, otherwise known as the sandwich theorem. Just don't squeeze a sandwich or you'll get covered in tuna mayonnaise!
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Dr Chillingworth, Calculus
Southampton University, Southampton,
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submitted: February 1, 2009 |
The fine intricacies of epsilon delta solutions for limits.
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| Rating: unrated |
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"And so, everyone in this room is attracted to everyone else. And it's not just people, it's objects too! For example, I'm attracted to this projector!"
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Gareth Thomas, Classical Mechanics
University College Cork, Cork, Ireland
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submitted: February 2, 2009 |
Our lecturer was explaining gravity to us in my first year of Physics. I was the only one who took what he said out of context and started sniggering.
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| Rating: 8.5 |
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"I was at a lecture, and needed to use the bathroom. He walked in after me and started to do his business. I looked over at him and...he was HUGE!"
Class clearly starts giggling.
"Wait, wait...that's not what I meant."
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John Krigbaum, Biological Anthropology
University of Florida, ,
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submitted: February 2, 2009 |
Referring to the BODY SIZE of an anthropologist he admires.
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| Rating: 10 |
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"Yea so that means we have 7 to 8 [times] infinity... that was bad math."
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Prof. Gus Greivel, ProbStats Spring 2008
Colorado School of Mines, Golden, Colorado
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submitted: February 2, 2009 |
Explaining the Law of Large Numbers and not only coming up with multiples of infinity, but the wrong multiples given his formulas on the board.
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| Rating: unrated |
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Rams don't wear trousers, but we do. Maybe that's why they've got colder testes. But does that mean Soctsmen have really cool testicles?
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Dr Phil Knight, Mammalian Reproduction
University of Reading, Reading, Berkshire (UK)
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submitted: February 3, 2009 |
The male reproductive system, an endless source of amusement for Phil for the last decade or so.
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| Rating: 10 |
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Dr. Grossman: So, does anyone know what it's called when there are seven different neighboring hydrogens?
Student: Septuplet?
Dr. Grossman: That would be for babies, so this would be a septet. And yes, six is a sextet... Which you would need for the septuplet. ...Well, maybe not.
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Dr. Grossman, Organic Chemistry II
University of Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky
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submitted: February 4, 2009 |
Nothing like good ol' NMR specs to allude to sex and artificial insemination.
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| Rating: 9 |
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You have to know this stuff [calculus] when you are launching missiles or else you will not hit your target.
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Professor Rozanski, Calculus 232
University Of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
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submitted: February 5, 2009 |
| Rating: unrated |
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...you would try to direct yourself towards the military operations and yell something like "I know lots of neat stuff!"
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Dr Caddell, History 213, Air Power
University Of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Chapel Hill,
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submitted: February 5, 2009 |
He was referring to what a pilot should do as he is parachuting from his plane to avoid the bad things civilians would do to enemy military, especially to pilots who had just dropped bombs on them.
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| Rating: 9 |
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Southern Baptists think that every other religion is wrong and is going to hell. So I asked my father why our uncle was a methodist... He said so he would be able to dance. See, Southern Baptists weren't allowed to dance because they thought it would lead to sex... standing up.
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Dr. Tom Digby, Women & Philosophy
Springfield College, Springfield, Massachusetts
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submitted: February 6, 2009 |
| Rating: 10 |
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I'd really like to know who's been stealing the mouse balls!"
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Mr. David Hill, Computers
Fairview Elementary, Maryville, TN
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submitted: February 7, 2009 |
This was in response to people stealing the roller balls out of the computer mice in middle school computer class. Needless to say, the disciplinary tone was lost after that.
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| Rating: unrated |
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If you've got your sex slave running free without the leash--bad things are gonna happen!
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Aaron McIntosh, Entertainments and Event Management
Glasgow Caledonian University, Glasgow, Scotland
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submitted: February 9, 2009 |
All because of a dodgy illustration on a slide XD
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| Rating: 8 |
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Parents need to know that when they take their little people to the park, that they're gonna be safe. And by little people I mean their children, not their midgets!!
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Aaron McIntosh, Entertainment and Events Management
G, Glasgow, Scotland
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submitted: February 9, 2009 |
Another gem from a MRCS!
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| Rating: 10 |
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"First we'll Polk them then we'll Pierce them... Sounds kinda sexual doesn't it?"
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Dr. Ewing, AP US History
Brophy College Preparatory, Phoenix, Arizona
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submitted: February 9, 2009 |
In talking about the Presidents of the mid 1800's
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| Rating: 10 |
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"Now everyone, I need you guys to get a P.U.S. on all of your papers..*kids look around, laugh*.. PARENTAL UNIT SIGNATURE."
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Mr. James Durham, Algebra I
Hillsborough Middle School, Hillsborough, NJ
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submitted: February 10, 2009 |
Great teacher, odd mind.
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| Rating: 5.5 |
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You poop, you must smell it.
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Professor Novotny, Accelerated Advanced Mathmatics
Maine School of Science and Mathematics, Limestone, Maine
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submitted: February 10, 2009 |
When someone suggested an incorrect equation for a line, Novotny insisted that we do the math for it out anyway to prove why it didn't work. This was his reasoning.
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| Rating: 10 |
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"Here's someone walking their dog in New York City... and here is someone wok-ing their dog in South Korea."
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Stephen Cunha, GEOG 105 Cultural Geography
Humboldt State University, Arcata, CA
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submitted: February 10, 2009 |
Gruesome photos to go along with it. Clever, but gruesome.
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| Rating: 9 |
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"Now guys, you can help out all the females in your life look for lumps too!"
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Dr. Nelson Scottgale, Introduction to Cells BIO132
Salem State College, Salem, MA
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submitted: February 11, 2009 |
He was talking about cancer and the importance of checking yourself for abnormalities. He was referring to guys REMINDING the females in their lives to check...
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| Rating: 8 |
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A water molecule looks like Mickey Mouse. and Mickey Mouse is like a water molecule in the sense that it is Bi-Polar.
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Theodore Bennit, Metascience
Nassau Community College, garden city, new york
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submitted: February 11, 2009 |
mickey mouse is apparently bi-polar.
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| Rating: 9.75 |
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So we've fingered the mother, but still don't know the father.
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, Biology 2B
UC Davis, Davis, CA
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submitted: February 11, 2009 |
A bio professor talking about parents and punnet squares. Everyone started laughing but he didn't realize until the end of class when he stated: "That is probably the most awkward thing I've ever said in a lecture..."
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| Rating: 9.625 |
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Death's not bad, you can learn from it.
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Caroline Kahler, Intermediate Ceramics
Bethany College, Lindsborg, KS
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submitted: February 12, 2009 |
My ceramics professor said this after I killed yet another cylander this morning.
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| Rating: unrated |
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I define Energy as the ability to inflict pain. The book defines energy as the ability to do work. what does THAT mean?
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Mr. Ken Gibson, Physics
The Westminster Schools, Atlanta, GA
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submitted: February 12, 2009 |
Mr. Gibson is basically the most eccentric teacher I have ever had.
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| Rating: 10 |
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I have a theory that, no matter who it is, anyone who would eat ocra would steal.
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Alexander B. Holmes, Microeconomics
University of Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma
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submitted: February 13, 2009 |
I'm intrigued.
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| Rating: 8 |
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"You lie like a fish."
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Steven Cotts, Physics A
Saratoga Springs High School, Saratoga Springs, NY
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Comments? Add
or View (1)
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submitted: February 13, 2009 |
We're still not sure where he got that from...
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| Rating: 10 |
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"This is so bitchin'...Sorry, I'm from the 60s."
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Mary Cox, Linear Algebra
University of Vermont, Burlington, VT
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submitted: February 15, 2009 |
| Rating: 9.66667 |
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